Updated: Feb 19, 2020
Vulnerability isn't always "liked," but it's necessary. I am not typically one to post the most vulnerable or difficult realities of my life, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. It just exists more in my personal life than my online life (and yes, they are compartmentalized). I made this post to show that regardless of how my highlight reel on Instagram appears, that my life isn't always sunflowers and rainbows, and I do struggle with awareness as everyone does. No matter how much my ego wants me to believe I have a firm grip on my awareness, control over my emotions, and the willingness to do everything for the "right" reasons, it isn't always there. I can be ego driven in many ways, and it's part of the journey to understand those ways, and generate the awareness to do something about them. Change the ways and grow from them.
It takes a lot of vulnerability and awareness to start listing out all of our flaws. We may think about our flaws incessantly or obsess over our flaws in our minds, but to take the time to write them out can be extremely difficult. Then to put them over a picture of yourself and to see yourself as a flawed human being... forget it. It's hard to see ourselves that way and allow ourselves to be weak and vulnerable, because that's not really us, right? Not a good interpretation of who "Morgan" is. Well it's easy for us to put on all the makeup, jewelry, workout, look good and take a picture of our success, post it believing we are strong, sexy and powerful. Is that a better representation of who "Morgan" is? Well, if I post all success, then that's what people will naturally expect of Morgan. If I post all about hardships, people will expect that. It's all about the balance. Being comfortable in both states of strength and vulnerability. We are neither. We are nothing but a spiritual energy in a physical body. It takes awareness to dissolve our egos and understand the changes and molding that constantly take place in our lives and flow with them. Part of the journey.
I put my insecurities on a picture of myself to say "this is me, flaws and all, but I am on my journey and perfectly in place." It's not easy for Morgan's ego to do. Morgan's ego wants to please what everyone wants/expects to see of her (obvious type 2 on the enneagram). I say Morgan's ego as a reminder, that is not my true self. That is my conditioning. My authentic self is at peace with where I am on my journey and always knows I am perfectly in place.
When going about this social media "experiment" per say I made my original vulnerable post listing my flaws as a way to put myself out there with the subconscious thought and hope that it would be relatable to people. When it was posted, it didn't receive a single like for over an hour (this is a first for me, & with 3K followers it's almost unheard of). 24 hours pass by and only 15 likes. Odd. The one post I was opening myself up for and hoping people would find comfort in and relate to the most, no one seemed to bat an eyelash about. I flashed back to my cheerleading days when I was averaging 400 likes per picture and was immediately curious if I posted a picture from then now how many people it would reach compared to the vulnerability post. So I posted the bikini pic with the clear caption "this is an experiment" to see how people would respond. Within an hour it was at 100 likes and within 24 hours up to 200. I was almost salty, like oh, funny how that works, all people care about is my physical body and not my openness and awareness (EGO THOUGHTS). When in all reality, it's a matter of an Instagram algorithm and people's attention spans [or lack thereof].
This gave me two realizations:
1) My Ego wants people to relate to me. It wants to be seen and understood. It wants to help others and if if doesn't feel like it gets its reach to others, it automatically recoils back into itself and hides from expressing true emotions or feelings. That's exactly where I need to be. To see myself as weak, as if I failed at something. See where I get stuck and how I show up when I get stuck, and to see how I persevere and push through it to continue filling my purpose, connecting and relating to others. Committed, yet unattached. Committed to my labor, but not the fruits of my labor.
2) It's not always about YOU (Morgan). You know your intentions are good and aligned with your purpose, so there is no need to be concerned about posting or sharing anything, especially if it is vulnerable. It's for others to take and do with as they will, so share it and let it be free. Let it work and move naturally in others once you release it. It's not about the like count, (in my mind it never was, but there was a subtle expectation that shouldn't have been there) it's about touching that one person you wouldn't have touched if you didn't say anything. I was even having trouble starting to write this blog because I had more feelings like "is anyone even going to read it," "will anyone even care," "is it worth my time," etc... all nonsense thoughts trying to waste my time and discourage me from fulfilling my purpose. If it helps one person and helps me to fulfill my purpose, it must be done regardless.
Vulnerability isn't always "liked," but it's necessary. I'm grateful for those who did share with me that my vulnerability post was what they needed to hear. Regardless of likes and comments, if it helped one person it was worth it, and who knows, maybe the bikini picture helped a few people too lol! I really have no clue what my social media influence/ impact/ effect is but I still put in my effort and love in hopes that it will inspire others to shine their light and spread their love openly and unapologetically. We must allow ourselves to be vulnerable with the understanding that even if it doesn't get "liked" by many, it will be loved and appreciated by the few who need it most.
Love and light be with you always.